Some Thoughts About Writing

So, this whole night I've been itching for a topic to write on. It's been a couple weeks since I last posted so it's about time. Also, I've been spending a considerable amount of time on my blog because of my 100 Days of Happy picture project. Perhaps it's the fact that I log on to Blogger at least once a day to upload a picture that makes me happy, but I just really want to write. Trouble is, I have no idea what to write about.

I have a few ideas that I'm planning on writing about in the future, but I'm not ready to touch on those subjects quite yet for a few different reasons. So, that leaves me with what? A whole blog post of just rambling? I think not!

All writing has meaning, even if it doesn't seem like it. Right now, I'm working on my Honors Capstone Project, the final step in the Honors Program, so that I can graduate with honors in the spring of 2015. For this project, I've been looking at the letters of a prominent woman who lived in the town where my college is located from the 1880's until she died in 1951. She wrote consistently throughout her life, but I'm working with the letters that she wrote in the early 1880's, when she first arrived in Morris as a teenager. At first glance, these letters seem really mundane and uninteresting; they cover the often trivial aspects of daily life in a small prairie town in the late nineteenth century. However, after taking the time to delve into these letters, it becomes clear that they not only give an insight into prairie life in the 1880's, but they also have a wealth of a meaning all their own. They give a glimpse into what was important to the writer and the sender, and they have their own secrets - they make references to people and things that are often unclear and will need to be further understood with outside sources. Furthermore, the aspects of life that seem so mundane at first glance are unbelievably telling when trying to understand the way people lived and the way Morris was as a town during its early years.

 The letters I'm looking at for my project are a testimony to the fact that people are constantly choosing to write things down, whether they are writing a grocery list or a novel. These conscious actions go to show just how significant all writing is, even if it doesn't seem like it immediately. This is why the written word is so important; we have whole fields of scholarly work that are devoted to analyzing the written word because it is so unbelievably significant. Writing is a form of expression and it is one of the best ways to better understand the human psyche. This is why I have this blog; through writing, I learn more about myself. This blog is for me and though I get excited about the prospect of other people reading it, it's not the ultimate goal.

Though this blog is important for me, I also keep a paper journal. I don't write in it often, but when I do I can  spend hours writing up one entry. Blogs and other forms of electronic publishing are fantastic because they make written work easily accessible; however, I believe that sitting down and writing something with a pen and paper is so much more personal. Not only is it tangible, but a written letter or diary entry is magical in its own right. When I sit down to write something on the computer, it is so easy to edit my work, and I do edit it because I want to make sure it is the best work that it can be. Of course, this is pertinent when it comes to academic writing so I'm used to constantly editing as a student. As a scholar, I often print out my drafts to edit, especially when I'm writing major papers, but when I'm typing up my blog or writing an e-mail, it isn't necessarily convenient to do that so I simply end up editing my work electronically. However, in this process of electronic writing and editing, I believe that we lose a really magical aspect of putting pen to paper - with pen and paper, a person's thought process as they are actively writing is readily seen and that is super cool. We can see when a person messes up because words will be crossed out or there will be eraser marks. There is something about putting pen to paper that is so unbelievably raw and human. You don't get this with electronically typing something up. Inevitably, by the time I publish this post, I will have gone through and edited my work multiple times, looking for typos and changing any sentence structures that don't sound quite right, adding and deleting portions as I see fit. You wont get to see my thought process as I do this because you can't see any pen or eraser marks on a blog post. The final product is the only product on my blog.

There is something truly magical about sitting down with a pen a paper. Unfortunately, it is becoming more and more of a lost art because people are continuously turning to their computer, smart phones, and tablets to write - whether it be correspondences, notes to self, or invitations. Because of this misfortune (and I am absolutely positive that it is a misfortune), I ask you, whoever you are, to please take some time to get a pen and paper out and simply write. Write a letter and send it through the mail, write a poem - it doesn't have to be a good poem - or simply make up a to do list. I hope you feel a sense of gratification in doing so. Technology has become increasingly significant in today's modern world, but with its rise, we have lost something truly special and meaningful in the form of hand written thoughts and correspondences.

Confessions of a Highly Sensitive Twenty-Something

  So, today I found this article on the internet:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/26/highly-sensitive-people-signs-habits_n_4810794.html

     As I was reading through this, I couldn't help but think, "gosh, this describes my life to a T." Now, let me just say,  I've always recognized that I'm a very sensitive person, I just always saw it as a bad thing and can honestly say that I didn't really realize until reading this article moments ago that other people have similar experiences. This may sound silly - well, of course other people feel this way, you might say. I'm not the only person who experiences troubles in my life, after all! Of course I know this but, in my experience, when I'm feeling down for whatever reason, I tend to forget that other people are suffering from similar issues all over the world and many of them are probably much closer to me than I realize. I must remind myself now that being highly sensitive isn't bad at all; in fact, highly sensitive people are an asset to society - we are a reminder that the world of does emotions exists and that it is perfectly all right to explore this world; furthermore, it is okay to falter. I believe that our society is so caught up in this image of mental strength as always having everything figured out and never asking for help. However, as I have recently been learning as I struggle with my own anxiety issues, reaching out for help is in itself a sign of strength; furthermore, there is nothing wrong with a good cry.

   Many of the habits associated with highly sensitive people do come off as characteristics that our society typically associates with weakness. So, it's no wonder that I have viewed all 16 of these emotionally sensitive habits, all but one of which I was able to relate to in way or another (I couldn't relate to number 8 - I'm most definitely an introvert), in a negative light.  For instance,  I have the tendency to get choked up at the smallest things (a youtube video of some cute animals cuddling... yeah, that can do the trick) and it's very difficult for me to get through a serious conversation that directly involves me without bursting into tears and struggling for words through my sobs. Furthermore, I've always felt that I react towards certain events with more feeling than most people; things stick with me longer and I mull over them, which can profoundly affect how I view the world. To go alone with this, I have an extreme amount of empathy for people, which I believe leads to my weakest characteristic as an RA - I hate disciplining residents because even though my head tells me that they are breaking the rules and it is my responsibility to reprimand them for that, my emotions often get in the way and and I start to feel bad for them... even though I know they are breaking policy and they probably know it too, especially if it's a major policy violation! Of course, I still need to do my job or I'd be a crappy RA, it just is a lot harder as a highly sensitive person.  I do avoid criticism at all cost and have a tendency to take things way too personally; something as simple as a friend not responding to an important text message within a couple of hours can put me on edge because I feel like they aren't responding because of something personal that I did to them. I wouldn't think of calling them after a certain period of time because I become convinced that they don't want to hear from me. Even if I know this is ridiculous in my head at the time, my emotions often overpower me.  I have a profound dislike for violent/scary movies because, not only do they have too much negative emotional stimuli attached to them for my personal taste, but I also believe they are unnecessary in today's world, which already is full of too much real life violence. I've often been told that I come off as a extremely prim and proper; in fact, one of my dearest friends told me once that before she actually got to know me, she assumed I was basically a stuck up bitch because of the way I carry myself. Thank goodness she didn't let that impression of me keep her from eventually getting to know me better!  To go along with this, I am overly aware of not just my actions, but other people's actions - if people around me are being rude in some way, shape, or form - even if they don't realize it themselves - it annoys me to no end.

   I also suffer from anxiety, as I have already mentioned multiple times in other parts of this blog. That being said, I have a very serious issue with the very way number 10 is stated: 10. They're more prone to anxiety or depression (but only if they've had a lot of past negative experiences). The part in parentheses, which is expanded on in the adjoining paragraph as negative experiences in early childhood specifically, is completely untrue in my case and I actually find it somewhat insulting; my childhood was, for the most part, very enjoyable and free of any traumatic or negative experiences. While I'm sure it is very true that many highly sensitive people are prone to anxiety and depression because of negative past experiences, it is wrong to assume that this is the case for all highly sensitive people. Rather than having negative experiences in childhood, anxiety runs in my family and the fact that I am highly sensitive, combined with the hereditary aspect, naturally put me at a higher risk for anxiety. While I certainly believe that negative past experiences - whether they happened six months ago or six years ago - can affect anxiety, especially in highly sensitive people, it is unfair to pinpoint anxiety and depression only on negative past experiences.

  So, I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that if you ever come across someone who cries easily or is obviously deeply affected by something that doesn't seem like such a big deal to you, don't judge them as being weak - they're probably just highly sensitive. If they're anything like me, they probably will feel embarrassed or or self-conscious, especially if they happen to be crying in a public place. By pointing out these habits as faults, highly sensitive people will only feel worse about themselves.